Karaoke Night
It had been planned for weeks, but I hadn’t held up much hope as in my last job, a karaoke night was always promised, but never delivered. Oh how that was about to change. This day was a strange one from the offset. For a start, the nun wasn’t on my bus, which was weird because she always got on a stop before to give me evils and curse my damned soul. Then when I got off the bus, I went to the magical money giving hole, and there was MONEY, and it was IN my account! What novelty! Then I blinked and it was gone. So anyway, I got into work, and there was a distinct buzz of excitement around the office, but it turned out to be someone’s pet bee whom had escaped and was too excited to make the most of it.
The day rolled on, everyone was excited, and somewhat sad for it was Denise’s last day. So because of this, Owen brought eighteen tons of jaffa cakes, and Phil brought in a much lauded one box. However, before the jaffa cake party, me, a pair of Pauls and Phil all had to go to the mystical Cunard building, complete with a ship in the basement. The look on the security guards face when Phil asked to see it was absolutely priceless! Once we were back (via the pub) we tucked into all of the jaffa cakes. Oh what fun! I’d had enough vitamin C to power a small electronic calculator for a month! Denise was given her gifts, and promptly proved she was better at football than Iain, who absolutely insisted that he was good at it.
And so, the time had come to don our glad rags (which was taken a lot more seriously by some than others) and make our way to the pub, which was conveniently sandwiched between large office buildings. So in we went, in waves it seemed, as a few needed to stop for funds. Not me, no way. Straight to the bar for me! Off I headed, pushing in between two really tall, yet really old men who shot me a look of distain, but I greeted that with a scowl that roughly translated to “say one word and I’ll head butt your abdomens”. I did say they were tall! So, several drinks later, I was still waiting for the ancient Japanese art of Karaoke. I then heard the immortal words: “Cot’n bar?” and instantly nodded, assuming there would be singing. There wasn’t unless you count the barmaid!
This turned out to merely be a stepping stone on the path to drunken crooning, and once we’d had our fingernails on our pinkies painted red by Kate, who had turned up with Hannah, seemingly expecting a more classy night, (I felt shockingly underdressed in my ‘My Chemical Romance’ t-shirt) we were on our way. Upon arrival at the Croc, as it was being called, the general instinct of my colleagues was to head to the tiny stage at the back, where a few people were choosing songs to sing. This is where the fun really began! First up on the hit parade, Kate and Denise wowed everyone with their energetic rendition of “Young Hearts run Free”, and, stage hog she wasn’t but she seemed to be up there rather a lot early on, Kate was up again, this time with Hannah, with a storming version of “Relight My Fire”, which in my opinion was better than the original version. She was up again with some dude named Andy, singing a heart-rending version of “If I Let You Go” by cheese merchants Westlife.
Now, not to be outdone, up stepped Paul. Silence. Then, what almost nobody expected, the intro to “Summer Nights” came on. I thought this was a mistake at first, and head butted a tall man’s abdomen in initial protest, but then, a strange femino-masculine voice came from the stage like a wailing banshee trying to subdue its prey, Paul had decided to sing both parts of the song. I’ll say only three words to this: It. Was. Epic. Then it was my turn to get up. How the hell was I going to top that? There wasn’t a chance, so I just got up and sung to the best of my inebriated ability. Once I was done, it was Sean’s turn, and he sung a well known song by the Kings Of Leon, the title of which escaped me… I think it was “Sexy Fire” or something. Everyone sung along to it regardless.
Several more drinks followed, and it was nearing my time to leave. It also seemed like it was time for a few others too. The pub, like a chubby auntie, welcomed us into it’s narrow bosom, then, like a skinny uncle, got us drunk and turfed us onto the street. Pizza time. I walked with Sean and a few others to the nearest purveyor of grease, and ordered the second largest pizza, (the largest pizza seemed like a greedy choice) and headed outside. I promised to Sean’s friends that I’d see him into a taxi, and once they were confident of my ability to do so, they scarpered to their next destination.
I’ll never remember the conversation we had, alcohol took care of that, but I do remember the two really drunk ladies that passed as we stood in some random doorway eating our newly acquired grease products. One of whom was clad in leather and could barely stand, seemingly unhappy that Sean was eating the other half of the cow she was wearing. The other of the two ladies however, whilst still drunk, was somewhat more coherent than her friend, so I asked her the smoothest question I ever asked a lady: “Want some pizza?” She was drunkenly polite and took a small bite, and as if to show her gratitude, she planted a tomatoey wet one on my face. Yum.
Once we were reasonably replenished with greasy food, I ushered Sean into a taxi, then went to get one myself. I was happy that my mission to get the drunk guy into a taxi, and finished off my pizza with a drunken grin on my face, because I’d just had the best night out I’d had in ages. You’ve got to love a night out that involves singing your lungs out and ending up with pizza on your face!
The day rolled on, everyone was excited, and somewhat sad for it was Denise’s last day. So because of this, Owen brought eighteen tons of jaffa cakes, and Phil brought in a much lauded one box. However, before the jaffa cake party, me, a pair of Pauls and Phil all had to go to the mystical Cunard building, complete with a ship in the basement. The look on the security guards face when Phil asked to see it was absolutely priceless! Once we were back (via the pub) we tucked into all of the jaffa cakes. Oh what fun! I’d had enough vitamin C to power a small electronic calculator for a month! Denise was given her gifts, and promptly proved she was better at football than Iain, who absolutely insisted that he was good at it.
And so, the time had come to don our glad rags (which was taken a lot more seriously by some than others) and make our way to the pub, which was conveniently sandwiched between large office buildings. So in we went, in waves it seemed, as a few needed to stop for funds. Not me, no way. Straight to the bar for me! Off I headed, pushing in between two really tall, yet really old men who shot me a look of distain, but I greeted that with a scowl that roughly translated to “say one word and I’ll head butt your abdomens”. I did say they were tall! So, several drinks later, I was still waiting for the ancient Japanese art of Karaoke. I then heard the immortal words: “Cot’n bar?” and instantly nodded, assuming there would be singing. There wasn’t unless you count the barmaid!
This turned out to merely be a stepping stone on the path to drunken crooning, and once we’d had our fingernails on our pinkies painted red by Kate, who had turned up with Hannah, seemingly expecting a more classy night, (I felt shockingly underdressed in my ‘My Chemical Romance’ t-shirt) we were on our way. Upon arrival at the Croc, as it was being called, the general instinct of my colleagues was to head to the tiny stage at the back, where a few people were choosing songs to sing. This is where the fun really began! First up on the hit parade, Kate and Denise wowed everyone with their energetic rendition of “Young Hearts run Free”, and, stage hog she wasn’t but she seemed to be up there rather a lot early on, Kate was up again, this time with Hannah, with a storming version of “Relight My Fire”, which in my opinion was better than the original version. She was up again with some dude named Andy, singing a heart-rending version of “If I Let You Go” by cheese merchants Westlife.
Now, not to be outdone, up stepped Paul. Silence. Then, what almost nobody expected, the intro to “Summer Nights” came on. I thought this was a mistake at first, and head butted a tall man’s abdomen in initial protest, but then, a strange femino-masculine voice came from the stage like a wailing banshee trying to subdue its prey, Paul had decided to sing both parts of the song. I’ll say only three words to this: It. Was. Epic. Then it was my turn to get up. How the hell was I going to top that? There wasn’t a chance, so I just got up and sung to the best of my inebriated ability. Once I was done, it was Sean’s turn, and he sung a well known song by the Kings Of Leon, the title of which escaped me… I think it was “Sexy Fire” or something. Everyone sung along to it regardless.
Several more drinks followed, and it was nearing my time to leave. It also seemed like it was time for a few others too. The pub, like a chubby auntie, welcomed us into it’s narrow bosom, then, like a skinny uncle, got us drunk and turfed us onto the street. Pizza time. I walked with Sean and a few others to the nearest purveyor of grease, and ordered the second largest pizza, (the largest pizza seemed like a greedy choice) and headed outside. I promised to Sean’s friends that I’d see him into a taxi, and once they were confident of my ability to do so, they scarpered to their next destination.
I’ll never remember the conversation we had, alcohol took care of that, but I do remember the two really drunk ladies that passed as we stood in some random doorway eating our newly acquired grease products. One of whom was clad in leather and could barely stand, seemingly unhappy that Sean was eating the other half of the cow she was wearing. The other of the two ladies however, whilst still drunk, was somewhat more coherent than her friend, so I asked her the smoothest question I ever asked a lady: “Want some pizza?” She was drunkenly polite and took a small bite, and as if to show her gratitude, she planted a tomatoey wet one on my face. Yum.
Once we were reasonably replenished with greasy food, I ushered Sean into a taxi, then went to get one myself. I was happy that my mission to get the drunk guy into a taxi, and finished off my pizza with a drunken grin on my face, because I’d just had the best night out I’d had in ages. You’ve got to love a night out that involves singing your lungs out and ending up with pizza on your face!